Growing Up Filipino

Family comes first.

Torn between wanting your own life and feeling guilty for it.

You may never be able to repay your family for their sacrifices, yet wish they’d stop holding it over your head.

Boundaries are impossible to uphold, and all hope for privacy or space always gets shrugged off or ignored.

Individual needs come last; someone always needs you.

Respect, stability, and security.

The hope for a better life in the States was their main focus. They came here for the American Dream; respect must always come before love.

Trouble slowing down to think for yourself, people pleasing in its many forms, and overexplaining when nobody asked.

You’re a pro at reading the emotions in a room, and you carry the weight of responsibility trying to manage them. No matter how hard you try, something is missing in your relationships; you walk the line between craving validation, emotional support, acceptance… and learning how to manage everything on your own.

It feels great to be needed. Show up enough times, do all the right things, and maybe – just maybe – they can be happy for the kind of life you choose.

If a family’s love is unconditional, “How can it hurt so much?”

There’s no way to live your life without disappointing someone.

Mixed signals and ambiguity make it difficult to know where you stand with your elders. You’re taught to never act in a way that will bring shame to the family.

Inexplicable competitions of success between people who “should” be nothing but supportive of you. It’s tough to know your own worth when comparison gets in the way of genuinely supporting another loved one’s success.

Advice and criticism feel one in the same, and encouragement can be hard to come by.

Did you lose weight? Lose more, you’re still taba.
Tired? Hay, you’re too young to be tired.
Troubled? Just pray.

Do what I say, not as I do.

Don’t keep living life at odds with who you are and where you came from.

ipagdasal mo nalang
utang na loob
nakakahiya
pakikisama
bahala na

did you eat na?
text me when you get home anak.
I’ll cut some fruit for you.
did you bring a jacket?
ingat.

Fixing everything in your family is not your responsibility – saying no doesn’t mean you love them any less.

You do not need to achieve things based on their standards of success to be enough – even if they won’t understand.

You deserve to take chances on the things you care deeply about. Being worthy of their care and love does not require you to work so hard or perform.

There are ways to live life that can honor their sacrifice, give gratitude where it’s due, and discover who you are along the way.